Life really amazes me. That being said, I always feel grateful to the spirit I believe in. To have provided me with the basic amenities and yet keeping my life uncertain. I like to study when eleventh hour strikes. I like to feel my ass on fire a few hours before the tests and exams. Somehow, it feels just right to do this. I feel a sense of satisfaction having messed up another “academic plan” (we students do make really perfect plans, don’t we?) dawdling in my room or otherwise every day. On a different note, becoming a gym member only to waste paper and ink for the identity cards (not to mention the entailing fee), downloading e-books for merely the sake of a “royal” and “intellectual” collection in my laptop (kudos to those who read!) and subscribing to assorted competitive magazines and dailies never to go through them (except for the sports pages and “the” photos), very well depict how “amusing” life has become to me.
Is it because of the choices? Or is it because of their number which keeps me so confused all the while? What do I really want to do? To be honest, I was never good in anything else other than academics my whole life. So I don’t have the privilege of indicting my parents for embroiling me in engineering. But what do I do now? Will I be able to conform to the stipulations the life puts ahead of me. Will it always be so “amusing” for me? It might be very well amusing for others if not so.
However, nothing changes for me. All these reflections fall deep in an abyss of uncertainty. With all due respect for Einstein, I follow Bohr in this matter. Quantum mechanics survives on uncertainty, so will I .
So it falls in place (or in pieces, who knows) like this. The successful engineers I hear about in the news and the neighbourhood, apparently, inspire and reassure me that I’ll be earning well, if not minting money. But when I see a guy singing on a stage and the audience going all frenzy to cheer and applaud for him, I think “Wow! Is it what I should have worked hard for?” Similar things infiltrate my mind when I see a guitarist setting the arena on fire or when countless spectators shake the firmament roaring for a sports figure. Heart touching actors, directors depicting ideas in words or otherwise and writers striking just the perfect cord with their well chosen words, all intrigue me. All these people had a well realised dream. But, ruefully, I have none.
So what will really matter to me in the end? Are all people capable of making a choice for their life? Or are there people dumb like me who conform to the society’s “safe routes” to livelihood? Do we all need to do something different? Or is it just something movies make us fancy that it is bold enough to swim upstream in the strong currents of the herds? Can we become famous and noticeable just by following the designs our parents crafted for us?
These rhetoric questions have obvious answers. Mostly unspoken, but the answers are different for different individuals (I always try to stay away from debate). I hope I find my answers in time. Till then I’ll retire to satisfaction that because the spectators outnumber the celebrities in this world, there are more people like me..!! And , hopefully, some day I will find my avenue to success.
